"The Master of all strength, Who is able to do anything and Who takes care of me with Divine Providence, before I was formed I was not worth to be created and now that I have been formed it is as if I was never formed for the world has not gained by my exsistence. I am like dust while I am still alive for I do not have sufficient good deeds and I will surely be so in my death when I will no longer be able to perform mitzvos. Therefore I stand before You like a vessel full of embarrassment and shame. May it be a time of favour before Your Throne of Glory Master of all, the Master of all strength, Who is able to do anything and Who takes care of me with Divine Providence, and the G-d who took care of my Fathers with Divine Providence that You help me so that I should not sin anymore by removing the causes of sin and daily preoccupations and that which I have already sinned before You cleanse with Your great mercy but not through terrible suffering or difficult illnesses rather through minor pains."
This is the translation, according to Pathway to Prayer by Rabbi Mayer Birnbaum of the last Yom Kippur specific paragraph of the Amidah. After this paragraph, we go back to the regular one.
If you look throughout history, you will find perhaps two dozen names that really stand out. That's 24 names, for, I don't know, call it 1000 years of events. What happened? Where's everybody else?
This tefillah had special meaning for me this year. I am a nobody. That's how I try to live my life. I do my best not to ask special treatment from anybody. I don't go out and try to impose my beliefs on others. I try not to make others go out of their way for me. I am a nobody. I know that. I'm not anybody special. I'm not an Albert Einstein. I'm not a Moshe. I'm not a Winston Churchill. I am not somebody who is going to be talked about in 100 years. I'm not somebody who's going to be talked about in the next city. I am a nobody.
I am a somebody. There are people who care about me and talk about me. There are people I care about. Everyday I perform actions the effects of which go way beyond my sight and knowledge.
This I feel is part of the message of Yom Kippur. On this day, we come before G-d. The Master of all strength. He knows everything. He knows exactly what we have done. He knows exactly what has happened b/c of us. He knows everything, that which we know, and that which we don't know.
The first bracha of the Amidah contains the words "gomayl chasodim tovim." "Who always does kindnesses that are purely good." G-d has no ulterior motives. All He wants is for us to be with Him.
I am a nobody. Before the great all encompassing that is G-d, how could I ever hope for Him to recognize me?
I am a somebody. Despite creating an entire universe, despite thousands upon thousands of miracles He performs every single day, despite 6.5 billion different voices and problems and wishes and prayers, G-d hears me. G-d listens to me and helps me every single day. Despite all my failings, numerous that they are, G-d is right beside me every second of every day and all He wants is to help me. No matter what I may do, He is there.
The only point I disagree on is that the world will not remember you in 100 years. Why not? Most famous historical figures are remembered because they did something that affected society. Now, if you specifically want not to do something for the greater good, that's fine. And sure, your motive shouldn't just be for your name to be remembered throughout the generations (remember the saying that if you chase honor, honor runs from you, but if you run from honor, honor will chase you).
ReplyDeleteThat being said, you should go through life with the understanding that YOU have the ability to effect lasting change upon the world. Maybe you *will* be remembered, for starting a movement that ends child slavery, or inventing a vitamin packed freeze dried hamburger that cures obesity and can be easily produced in Third World countries... or whatever. The point is, you don't know what your potential is, and the people who we remember got to that point not by wanting to be remembered but to do something important, that mattered. You don't know what you're capable of, but you have a responsibility to do what you can to make the world a better place.