There's an old saying "misery loves company," and I've found it to be quite a true saying. When somebody is miserable, or upset, or angry, they tend to pass that along to others. Sometimes, in fact probably most times, this transference will be completely unintentional. You're upset, so you're caught up in your own thoughts, perhaps not quite paying full attention to the outside world, and so you might fail to say thank you to the person who just held the door open for you. This person gets offended, and a transference has occurred.
This shabbos I attended NCSY's Leadership Shabbaton. Throughout the shabbaton, the idea of leadership was discussed. What is a leader? Dictionary.com defines it as "a person or thing that leads." Not the most clear definition. So really, what is a leader?
I remember once I was watching an episode of M*A*S*H and Hawkeye says "Do you know what a hero is? 99 times out of a 100, he's somebody who's tired enough, and cold enough, and hungry enough not to give a damn." In other words, and apologies to Hawkeye if I get this wrong, a hero isn't somebody who is created or trained or made in anyway. All a hero is is somebody who saw something that needed to be done and did it.
Perhaps a leader is something similar. Perhaps a leader is somebody who just felt they were doing what they had to do. They weren't doing it in order to be a leader, or to gain publicity or followers. They were just doing it b/c that's what they felt was right.
And if in fact that is what a leader is, then perhaps we all have the ability to be leaders. All one has to do is do the best they can to be a good person.
Misery loves company, but happiness inspires happiness. As humans, we are social animals. We crave to be accepted, and in the pursuit of that, we tend to emulate those we want to be accepted by. As we start a new year, perhaps we should try to start new habits. If we all make an effort to be more sensitive to others, make an effort not to spread misery or sadness or when you're upset, perhaps we might find others make a similar effort.
It's said that one of the main reasons for the destruction of the second Bais Hamikdosh (Temple) was baseless hatred amongst the Jews. This new year, let's try to bring this exile to a close by simply making an effort to be nicer to one another. It's a little bit of a "pay it forward" idea, but perhaps it'll work. What's to lose by trying?
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Several years ago Rav Averham Pam participated in the Chofetz Chaim Tisha Be'av program and commented on the importance of greeting people. For sure happiness and misery are contageous and the way to "pay them foward" is just by saying "Hi, how's it going?". That's all it takes to show someone that you care.
ReplyDeleteThere is one other important characteristic of a leader - the ability to inspire. A leader, yes, is a person who does what needs to be done. But a leader isn't a leader if no one will follow him. And people want to follow someone who inspires them to do better, to be better.
ReplyDeleteThe question, then, is how do you inspire people to do and be better? The answer is actually very simple: Behave in a manner that is moral and ethical, be the first to jump in when hard work needs to be done, and always admit when you have made a mistake.
Do that, and not only will people look up to you and aspire to emulate you, they will respect you for who you are - even when they vehemently disagree with you.